Washington DC – In an early morning rose garden speech, President Bush announced to a surprised White House press pool his new energy policy. With Vice President Cheney and his science advisors, standing behind him, Bush announced his administration’s new policy dealing with global climate change.

After a brief opening remark asking for prayers for the British Soldiers being held in Iran, the president shocked many with his statement.

We were wrong, wrong about global warming, and we need to change gears fast. For too long we have ignored this problem. As of today things change.(via)

With a visibly somber Cheney behind him, Bush explained his seemingly sudden change of course.

“Our administration has long said that global warming needs to be studied further, my chief science advisor John Marburger has done that research and boy did he lay a doozy of a report on my desk. Johny told it to me straight, he said ‘Sir this is serious we must act now.’ I had him prepare a summary of the report and read it to me and I can tell you it was the scariest thing I have ever had read to me.” said Bush.

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“By executive order I will be raising the tax breaks for people who want to install solar panels on their roof, to 20 thousand dollars.” Remarked Bush during his early morning rose garden announcement.(via)

Bush also said he would work with congress to approve tax breaks for hybrid vehicles, and government incentives for the construction of new wind farms. He then called for 40% of Americas energy supply to be from renewable sources by 2025. Several times Vice President Cheney held his hand over his heart as if feeling a sudden pain.

Bush backtracked some on his past efforts to promote green technologies. Efforts which most people in the renewable energy field found too modest, or misguided.

“We can’t just talk about hydrogen cars, they wont be ready for 30 years, and biofuel that takes food away from people’s mouths or comes from the destruction of rain forests is unacceptable. We have existing wind turbine and solar panel technology and we need to use it.”

Bush went on to outline further spending plans.

“I plan on spending 800 billion dollars over the next two years on renewable technology including ethanol from sources like switch grass, and wind and solar plants. We must move forward with projects like Cape Wind, that has recently received state approval, and built [sic] more solar power plants like the Nevada Solar One plant outside of Las Vegas.”

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“We will build wind farms where they make sense, cover every home with solar panels, and immediately raise CAFE standards for all new cars in America.”(via)

In a statement that produced an audible murmur from the assembled reporters (Drudge is reporting one of them actually said “holy f*ck!ng S#!t”) Bush called for a reduction in military spending and a phased withdrawal of troops from Iraq in order to pay for this plan.

“For too long we have lied to the American people about the war in Iraq!” Said Bush as a pale faced Vice President Cheney started to sweat and fidget. “No longer will we fight a war for oil, I will immediately be starting a phased withdrawal of troops from Iraq. I’m the decider and I say we are going to bring our brave men and women home!”

Bush said that a reduction in military spending combined with the large government spending on renewable energy would create jobs and grow the economy. He predicted that “Americans will be free of the addiction of oil” within 15 years.(via)

Frankly when I saw this on the news this morning I thought my head was going to explode. But it was all over CNN, hell even the local Boston NPR station has interrupted its annual pledge drive to cover this thing. The best part was watching Dick Cheney squirm like a worm on a hook behind Bush. You could tell he just wanted to steal the mic and scream at the reporters. It still really hasn’t sunk in, but this is great. I guess Bush wont go down as the worst president in history after all.